Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Post Quota Regime - India in 2017 - A Creative Insight !

How would india be in 2017 ? Tha is in the Post-Quota Regime ? Lets have a Look.
But, Before that a disclaimer : Its purely imagination & there is absolutley no intention to hurt the feelings of anyone. This blogspace is just for entertainment & not for serious feelings!


Interviewer : So Neeta tell me who’s the new education minister in Kerala ?

Neeta : Dhae…Dhaeee…Dhaeeee…B..DhaeeBee (she says Devi)

Interviewer : Neeta, who won the world cup cricket in 2002 ?

Neeta : Auj..aauj..traa…Lee…aaa Auj-trea-lia (sounding Australia)

Interviewer : Neeta, what is Sodium Chloride ?

Neeta : Chaa..chaa..chaaltu..chaaltu (sounding Salt)

Interviewer: Ok. Neeta can proceed to appear for a psychometric test in Room # 21 and after that attend a stress Interview with Prof Bhushan Yang at 10.00 am in Rool # 23.

Who is Neeta ? Yes, You wrongly guessed it !!

Neeta is a 2 year old kid (from General Category) who is seeking admission in Lower KG for the academic year 2018-19. And interviewer is a principal of a Reputed school. All Neeta has to do to get a seat is to be updated on all possible GK in the world, be updated on who's who of the world and the latest status of Arcelor-Mittal race. And it all that ends well, pay 3 lakhs Rupees donation too.

So simple for a 2 yr old, isn't it ? And in 2034, she might even take an entrance test. Who knows ?


CAT admissions for IIMs A,B,C A-1,A-2,B-2,C-2,L,I,K,…P,Q,R,S,T,W,Z

(Just 55 more new IIMs to be expected by then - One in every India city)

Professor : Arun whats ur CAT percentile ?

Arun (General Category) : 99.999999999999999

Professor : How many nines after ninety-nine in your percentile ?

Arun : 15 sir !!

Professor : 15 ? Good. Ok. You are waiting list # 23. All the best !!

Professor : Pallavi, whats your CAT percentile ?

Pallavi : 99.999999999999998

Professor : How many nines after 99 ?

Pallavi : 14 nines and one eight sir.

Professor : Hmm..difficult..waiting list # 2056. good luck. prepare better next year. We want only top performing students in our institutes..

Now cracking CAT is not the objective for students of 2017. They need to focus on getting maximum number of Nines after 99 in their percentile. If you score 98 or 97, you can forget MBA. Or instead apply for a licence for starting a new IIM in mount road Chennai or MG Road Trissur and become its director. That may be easier.


Mckinsey doing Campus Interview in one of the 55 IIMs

Mckinsey : So Kumar, tell me whats 7*3, I repeat, Seven multiplied by three.

Kumar : 7*3 ? I mean..err..eerr…mm…mmm…is it 19 ?

Mckinsey (among themselves whispers) : I thinks its quota person

Mckinsey : Next person please !!

Mckinsey : Yes, Vivek, whats your full name ?

Vivek : Vivek Iyer

Mckinsey : Iyer ??? SELECTED !! Obvious because Vivek would have had atleast 23 nines after 99 in his CAT percentile.

It takes hardly 20 seconds for an intelligent recruiter to select candidates. So imagine how much they can save in terms of Time.


A new proposal by the then HRD Minister, Yudhistir Singh


“We, here by propose to introduce a new reservation Bill in the parliament for seeking 7.23 % reservation in every educational institution in India for General Candidates. General candidates, as per the recent statistics are deprived of higher education these days General Category constitute of 43.44 % of youth and it is really important that for India to be a super power, It should be more socially responsible and pay more attention to the upliftment of these deprived categories. “

And the then Finance minister Q.D says : “Reservation based on caste creates imbalance and causes income inequality. And all reservations should be based on Social & Economical parameters. "

Ps- And in 2017, General Category would be the deprived minority..right ?


A film shooting set in 2017 for the remake of Yes-Boss part-2

Director to the then Super star : Please do it again
Super star fails to act properly...

Director : RE TAKEEE....
Superstar again fails to act properly

Director : REETAAAKE....
superstar again fails to act properly

Why is our hero not performing well ? what could be the Reason ? Govt Introduced quota Bill in Film Indsutry also. While making a film, Every General Category Film Director has to Reserve the hero's role for reservation category people and Vice-versa.

Similarly in music - The music director or the lead singer has to be from the reservation category.


The new clause 49 of SEBI in 2017 reads:

Independent Directors should constitute 75% of the Board of Directors. And 66.67 % of Independent directors should be from reserved category.

If Chairman is a general category, then atleast 80% of directors should be from reservation category.

If chairman is from reservation category, a maximum of 30% of directors could be from general category.


A few more ideas from this humble MBA to the current ministers :

1) Introduce Quota in Railway resevation for reserved category. (For e.g. 80% second class sleeper berths reserved for them, 10 % for ministers, 5% for railway employees, 3% emergency quota and remaining 2% for first come first serve)

2) Introduce Quota in Public Toilets (either put a cap on the number of usages by a general category - like 2 times a day maximum usuage for general category or allow them to use only a selected few toilets in the outer city limits)

3) Introduce Quota in giving phone connection, driving licence and ration cards (For e.g General category can only have one of these - either an MTNL phone or a driving licence or a ration card)

4) Introduce Quota in Film industry for Actors, Actresses, Musicians

5) Introduce Quota in City roads. Define which all roads for which all category

6) Reseve 66.67% of bedrooms in every new flat/apartment for reserved category families. If its a 1 BHK, then the family buying the flat has an option of either leaving the kitchen or the bathroom for reserved category.

Now the Mega one :

7) Introduce Quota in Reproductive rights. Every 1 birth allowed for general category parents for every five births in reservation category. If both parents are from general category, a maximum of one baby is allowed or a maximum of 7 unprotected sexual encounters for the couple allowed, which ever lapses earlier.

silver lining : If you wanna have more babies, atleast one parent has to be from reservation category !!


The new president of BCCI at 2017 too introduced a new Bill

"For Indian Cricket Team playing outside india, atleast 9 of the 14 players have to be from reserved category. If Tendulkar or Dhoni is included, all other players have to be from reserved category. "

"While Playing in India, If they plan in Non-metroes, all players have to be from reserved category..If they play in metroes, the Umpires too have to be from the reserved category"


Now my creative juices have exhausted. So, whats your take ? Good day ! Please share your comments.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Happy Vishu, Tamil New Year, folks !!

Wish all my readers a very happy and prosperous vishu, & Tamil New year.

have a good day.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

MBA blues, Common-sense versus Concepts..

Quite often, there are times when the best of brains fail miserably. An act of common-sense when required, would not occur. Where we need concepts, we use common-sense and where we need common-sense, we use concepts. It is quite interesting to see this happening most in B-schools :-) Its where we make most mistakes and learn from them.


Act 1 : Human Relations & Blues

“….. so that’s about the fall of automobile giant Daimler-Chrysler.. How to Turn them around is what is expected out of you” The professor asked the class.

A minute of silence among the MBA students. Everyone looked at one another. What the big CEO and Presidents of DCX failed to do is going to be pointed one by one by the students. But before even others could start, there was one hand which rose. ”Sir Can I ?”. It was Venkat Raman, the smarty-brainy of the class.

He continued, “The co-ordination time between the Top and Middle management was bad in DCX. Whilst the local managers believed in more independence, the global managers wanted the Local presidents to adopt the global strategies and be less National in nature. The lady Head of France, for example was in-particular stubborn about the international change management. Altogether a weak Human Resource and Relationship aspect caused DCX to fail. Human relations need careful attention is a company of that size..”

“Excellent Venkat. Fantastic. Venkat has the potential to be a good HR Manager..His way of analysing Human Relationships are good” said the professor.

“He has said it all – to the point. Class dismissed now”

Now After lunch, Venkat is found worried. He takes his mobile phone, dials a number. Cuts it. Dials again. Again Cut. He approached his friend Pritesth and asked a question for which he could never find an answer.

He asked, “Pritesh, I Have a doubt..”
Pritesh : Yes go ahead
Venkat : I mean..err….should I take Sunaina out or not today ?
Pritesh : take her out man. What a question ? Call her now itself
Venkat : what if she says No.

Pritesh : It’s a part of the game..why should she say no ?
Venkat : the other day at 2.30 pm I called her for movie at 6.00. she said she’s busy and asked me if we could go for a 3.15 show…I couldn’t go as I was not prepared for such a short notice. Now I do not know if she’ll come or not. I am not able to understand her “

Pritesh : why were you not prepared ? you had some work ?
Venkat : No..I need 2 hrs of time before meeting her. Otherwise I’ll not be able to speak to her. I feel lost in front of her.

Act 2 : South-East and North-west Union & blues”

Another lecture the next day. Here Venkat analyses the Singapore Monetary Authority case and comes up with strategy for Containing Inflation, improving Real Exchange Rates. He gave the remedies for south-east asian crisis fall out and cited the examples of north-west American economy’s and middle-east’s efficient policy management.
Professor commented, "Venkat can be a good global manager. His sense of economics and regional blocs are excellent"

And evening he’s found worried again. (as usual)

He asks Pritesh, “How to reach Chakkala Cigarrette factory”.
Pritesh : Catch a 225, get down at Delight hotel stop, walk Eastwards to the Church, turn right & walk straight.
Venkat : Chakkala is in west or east ?
Pritesh : Its in Andheri east. And we are in Parla west.
Venkat : But how do I know I’ve reached andheri east or not ?
Pritesh : The Delight bus stop is in east only.
Venkat : But we are in west na ?
Pritesh : yeah. We are in west and chakkala is in east. 225 will go from west-to-east.
Venkat : Then why do you say I have to walk east-wards ?
Pritesh : The church is in east. So you have to walk east wards
Venkat : But you said bus will go to east. So why should I walk east-wards ?
Pritesh : East words from the delight stop ? get it ?
Venkat : Even after 2 years in Bombay, I find east-west funda confusing. I’ll take a taxi only. Bombay drives me craaaazy.

Act 3 : Finance and Valuation Blues

Another lecture the next day. Here Venkat prepared valuation strategy for an IT firm based on its earnings, potential cash flows, dividend strategy and market performance. Finally he arrived at a figure of 13.4 $ billion which was the most close to his professor's valuation estimate of 14.2 $ billion. Professor proud of him and fellow students tired of him.
But in the evening there was something interesting again

Mom : Venkat, get me 2 kg of Tomatoes and 1 kg potatoes.
Venkat : Yes amma

(Venky back after a good 20-25 mintes)

Mom : why venkat, why so late ?? that too just go downstairs and come ??
Venkat : Amma, that vendor is a cheat..

Mom : why what happened ?
Venkat : He asked 40 rupees for a Kg of potato. I had to bargain with him for 10 minutes to reduce the price to 35 rupees. I said 30 and finally we both agreed on 35.

Mom : WHAAAT… 35 rupees for a kilo of potatoes ????

(Mom gets the shock of the day)

(Mom, though sad, opens the bag of Rs. 35 kg
potato only to find them all rotten too)
(Mom faints)

Act 4 : Information Technology Blues

Another happening day at College. Here Venkat spoke about the ERP implementation at HP. He talks about the Oracle Financial module, how it supported GAAP, Sarbanes-oxley and other things à taxation intricacies, book of accounts, ledgers etc. ERP professor impressed by venkat and class mates, as usual, wonder stuck at his performance.

Evening Time. Again interesting.

Dad : Venkat, I need your help
Venkat : Yes pappa.
Dad : Son, I’ll give you my salary details, investment details of the year..
Venkat : (wondering) : why pappa ?
Dad : “Can you, using your laptop & excel sheet, quickly calculate how much my tax outgo works out to be ?”
Venkat : Oh sure pappa.
Dad : Dad gives him all the details (just 3 or 4 figures he gives altogether– income, expenditure, investment and savings)

Venkat takes a Big book titled “Income Tax in India” and opens his laptop. Time flies. 2 hours, 3 hours .4 hours. Does macros in excel, does cell formulas, graphs...Dad wonders what is going on. Finally after 5 hours and 35 minutes Venkat says, “Dad you Income tax will come to 1.83452 Lakh rupees.”

And dad says “Venkat, my gross salary is only 2 lakh rupees. Good night.”
Knowledge of When to use Common-sense and when to use Concepts makes a good manager.

ps- It is just a hypothetical case i've made here. No offense to anyone. Its just purely a work of imagination. Have a good day.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

How is this photo, son ? She's beautiful Right ??

"How is this photo my beta. She is beautiful right ?"

Mom asks her beta while showing a girl's color-photo picked out from her diary. This is one of the first questions a concerend mom would ask her "available" beta when she feels her nanna-munna-beta has finally "come-of-age" for marriage purposes. She, even before asking her beta's opinion, would first advertise his profile in one of those communitiy matrimonial circle manazines and collect profiles & photos of available girls around. Then, Based on her perceptionsof the prospective Bahu traits, looks and screening she'd hand-pick a few of these profiles. Once this homework is done she'd introduce the Topic of marriage to his son with one of these photos.

Typically, she thinks her "innocent-beta" would not allow her proceed with the pre-marriage tasks as she feels he'd be "very-happy" being single and would even want to concentrate more on his "career" before thinking about settling down. So this innocent mom would first get the photos and then try to "entice" her betaa with these photos and a quick 2 minute summary of these girls - "five-six tall aakkum !! very fair, Nice character..works as manager in Citibank. Music lover aakkummam"

While our mom is busy with these pre-marriage tasks, seldom she knows about the latent thoughts running on in her "naive-beta's-gullible-mind". As we know, He would typically be obsessed with "Post-marriage" tasks. And a typicalmetro born "naive-beta" would have just had about 13 proposals, 3-5 acceptances, 37 dates and 5-6 broken-heart experiences until now.And his mom knows none of these stories. Finally when none of these "extra-curriculars" works out, the beta would wait for his mom to start "co-curricular" activities.

He'd have cursed his mother silently for atleast 2 years for not starting looking for him. But after the long long wait when his mom pokes a photograph of a pretty looking lady on to his face and asks the question, he'd play a TOM-CAT, would blush, look down, draw semi-circles with his toes and say "Mamma..i dont want to marry now"...

A typical beta would never admit that he wants to marry. Rather he creates a scenario where he gives out the message that he is agreeing to the marriage only under the immense PRESSURE put on him by his parents. Here is how it goes :

Let the time now be 8.15 am. Our beta is getting ready to leave for work. That is the time our mamma shows a photo to him. The girl looked bad,and had a below-expectation type profile. So our beta shouts at his MOM :


At 8.30 AM when our beta is just done with the breakfast and when mom feels he's cooled down, she shows another photo --> This time an above-average profile. And a better looking girl. Our Betaa smiles this time, blushes and says softly:

"Oh..amma..i need just some more time before marriage..just..u see..I am working..i need to be focussed..wait for 2-3 months..".

And when at 8.45 am, mom shows a sweet girl's picture (resembling Mallika Sherawat), the guy yields to "pressure" --> First smiles, then controlls smile and then blushes. He'd pretend not to have seen that photo at all (He's definitely noticed the mallika like part though) and say politely :
"If you all want me to marry, then..then..I needed somemore time...but. i'll agree..go ahead..whatelse can i do?..."

Then comes the "formally-seeing-the-girl" part. Son, accompanied by his dad & mom, eldest brother of dad, elder sister of mom and Broker goes tothe girl's house. On the way in the car our betaa would have, by now, gauged the best of features of the girl like a super-intelligent computer.Based on that single photograph of the girl he has seen, our son would have fantasized the girl in atleast three different dresses, hair-styles and fashions. And finally when the girl's dad calls his daughter out to the living room to meet everyone, Betaa realises that the photo he's seen was atleast 2 years old ! And like the India's GDP calculation, the projected estimate (36-28-34) is no where near the actual figure (34-32-36).

By the time he could re-estimate his calculations, imaginations and have another round of self-satisfaction-survey (typically a profile matching execrcise where he'd see if the earlier projected estimate could bere-estimated to fit with actual figure) , his dad & her dad have realised that they have a common close friend. His Mom & her mom have just realised that MoM #1's 2nd cousin's husband's sister was married to Mom #2's sister-in-law's brother-in-law. Also the Girl's naani was the first to recollect the family name of our Betaa's Naana. Now its a real dead-lock --> Even if Betaa wants to get off this marriage, he cannot.And he has to again "yield" to pressure - This time literally.

After consulting with all his friends, our son finally assures himself that 34-32-36 with a Job in ICICI is finally manageable. They (friends) tell him aboutthe intangible aspects of a woman like personality, Behavior etc (Though its a fact that the friends have themselves gone by "numbers" eventually). Finally, they both start sending emails and decide to start dating. And he accepts the fact that Not everyone can be mallika sherawat. There areother heroines too in India.

After-all, according to his imaginations, except for the VitalStatistix, everything else about her (personality, Body Lang, pomp, attitude) is just perfect. Its again similar to how Govt concludes on how "India Is shining" despite poor numbers like fiscal deficit, suicidal rates, Below-poverty-line-% etc). And corporate India goes only by "Numbers". No wonder why the latter is more successful.

During his first date He realises that her english is accented & Body Language
is bad (personality test failed). And she realises that he doesnt take bath.

During the second date he realises that she wears only sarees or salwar-kameez. (fashionability test failed). And she realises that he doesn't know to drive a bike.

During the third date he realises that she eats only vegetarian & would never visit a Pub or Bar. And she realises that he's not a first-timer in Dating.

During the fourth date he realises that she can never miss a friday fast or a monday temple visit. And she realises that He can never miss a friday mumbai-disc or sunday pune-disc.

During the fifth date he realises that she wants him to quit smoking and drinking. And she realises he wants her to start doing both.

During the sixth date he realises that her family is Keen to get married to him immediately. And she realises his family has already fixed up the date of marriage.

---------------- Marriage Takes Place ------------------------

--------- Thats a typical Iyer marriage shown above ------

After 1 week into marriage he realises she's not even Mamta kulkarni - forget Mallika sherawat. And she realises that he's salman khan without fitness. (In classical mathematical way, Salman - Fitness approximately (or tends to) is equal to ZERO)

Yet...Yet...After 1 month he & she realises she's carrying :-). But how ? :-) :-)

After 1 year, they realise they are three - Not two anymore.

Yet...They complete silver, golden Jubiless together as a happily married & settled couple.
Yet..people around call it the perfect marriage and term them "made-for-each-other"

Ofcourse there's another story on what the Girl realises about Guy at different stages. But that could be more Nasty to write here! So in this successful relationship, Neither the "numbers" worked well. Nor the Intangibles. "Marriage is all about compromises" --> People say !! But when everything is against expectations, can we call it a "compromise" ?

Good day to you & If single, good wishes too !

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Movies & Me : A Retrospective Introspection !

As a part of Euphoria contest :

7.00 am ! I take my shaving razor, smear foam on my all over face, take my scissors, switch on the wash basin light, look at the mirror...And then do what next immediately ? If your answer is "you shave", then you are wrong. The next step is the most importantstep to me ! I start "thinking". But what ? Now I take strategic decisions to choose among the various options I have - whether to have Amir khan's Dil Chahta hain goatee,or go for charlie cahplins shortie, ajay devgan's frenchie and Hariharan's Longee. Influence of movie isn't it ? Partly yes. And partly thanks to the "all adopting" flexible audience (my dearest class mates) who tolerate all my styles. That's at 7.00 am inthe morning.

Then at 7.30am when I am out of the bathroom, I take TOI. But which page ? From that one kilogram bunch the paper walla leaves at my door, My hands know where to look for "Bombay Times". I read the bollywood masala first before attempting to see what Bush has done to India during his visit. Then Inspired by one of the Partying film star and based on the availability of suitable matches in my wardrobe, I decide upon what dress to wear to college. Influence of Movies ? Partly yes ! And partly because I havea semi-flexible body ( U know ? My body is superb except for a pretty-dark complexion and a less-than-noticable tummy. Now even if other people notice my tummy, I assure you that I never notice it) which goes with any kind of dress unless it is tight to reveal the curves of my body. And yes, I have full faith in the new "Fair & Handsome"..Thanks to Emami to understand the latent needs of people like me !

Then what next ? Travelling to college. How ? By train. With ? With 98.3 Red FM and RadioCity !! Here is when I listen to whats happening around @ the Bollywood music.Here I easily step into the shoes of Sonu Nigam. My friends have said that If for a minute you play the song loudly (say "Tanhayee Tanhayee" from Dil chahta hain) in a Bose System & see the expressions of my face,You'd actually think that I have acted in the movie & have sung the song. But Now if you switch off the "Bose" without my knowledge, You'd hear a loud,Rough voice with the same lyrics - but just that it almost resembles a speaking tone. But they'd Caution you : Never stop the "Bose" when a "high-pitch" part is going on in the song ! And many a times my fellow passengers have requested me never to board their compartment with my FM 98.3 on. I sincerely donno why. I do sing well yaar ! Where ever I have sung, people start clapping continuously even before I start the 2nd line of the song. Isn't that appreciation ?

Now a bit serious talk:

"An MBA student, from a premier institute".For most of us this one lineof introduction is self-contained. Our intelligence, our smartness,our personality and our learnability is all reflected in this single line. It makes others take certain thinks granted about us. About our life.

People say MBA changes a person. Yes !! B-school does influence you. For 2 years. But Take this example - If you stay in U.S.A for a year, their culture would definitely influence you. But your own culture- the culture of your society, in which you've been living for decades, forms a part of your DNA itself !! And it is embedded deep in your sub-conscious mind. MBA just plays a "packaging" role on you. Deep with in, you arethe same old you.

I repeat : It no longer influences you -> But rather it is in your DNA. It helps you adopt other cultures. It's like this - while U.S.A culture affects you conscioulsy, Your indian culture affects you sub-consciously - which your logicalmind is never aware of !!!

And now when I do MBA and people see me through that lens. But what the seemingly ignore is my DNA - For they do not know that i've been watching atleast 3-4 movies every week for last 20 years. Now you can guess which would have influenced me more ? Movies or MBA ? Thats an introspection detailed in this B-log.

For Shah-Rukh-Khan, it was an act of mad-in-love for "Paro" in "Devdas" - Drinking hard and Dying. He was paid crores of rupees for doing that. But for me "Devdas" was something much more - The emotion of losing my love, the emotion of our separation. Hasn't that movie influenced me ? Yes.

For Lata Mangeshkar, "Solaa baraaz ki baali umar ko salaam" , a song from "Ik duje keliye", was an award winning experince. But does she know that I have watch it even now 2 times a month ? Even today when i see it, It reminds me of my long lost love when i was 16, the gali where we spent time, the Road leading to library, the temple were we met and a host of other things. Has not this movie influenced me ? Yes! a lot !

When Amir Khan Tried to protest against the Government and its mis-deeds, it reminded me ofthe day when one of my close friends was denied justice and was imprisoned for the misdeeds of a local politician. My friend blew the whistle, But he became the victim too. You find it Similar to Satyendra Dubey Case ? Who knows what would happen to the journalist who have come out in public siting Amar singh and Bipasha. Doesn't all these things affect us daily ? Yes! Yes. Yes.

Have not Kaala Pani, Ambedkar, Mangal Pandey taught me more history than even my Historyteacher did in my high school ? Didn't they teach me about the invaluable sacrificesthat our freedom fighter made ? Yes. Did Not "Bombay" teach me more about Ayodhyarelated riots and did not Roja & Dil se teach me what terrorism is all about ?Did not "Border" make me realise that I am alive today because some-one died for meat Kargil ? Yes, ofcourse !!

When after a tight day's work, when i sit on my couch in a pensive mood, wouldn't Jim Carry or Charlie chaplin make me laugh like hell and relive my stress out ?Yes. yes. Did not Baghban show us how our parents could suffer because of a changein life-style in our generation ?

Didn't Swades teach me more about Rural Life, consumers & Markets ? And did notsalaam namste teach me how India would be in another 20 years ? Did not Jurassicpark teach me about the God's own creatures of 1000 BC ? Did not lagaan teach methe importance of being deadly-passionate ? Did not Titanic tell me that Love has no barriers ? Did not the movies teach us about under-world ? About Red-street where poor mothers sell every inch of theirbodies for feeding their babies ? About Aids ? About Earth-Quakes & the victims who losteverything ? about volcanoes ? About Social Responsibilities ?

Does not movies create an urge with in Us to achieve something ? Do not they provoke us to stand-up for the right thing ? Do not they teach us about values, ethics ? Every movie has something great to learn from within it.

To conlclude, Movies to play an important role in designing our attitude, our behaviorand our perceptions. But It all depends on the breadth and depth of movies we watch. One must stick on to the better movies around and should have an open mind to learnthe good things one could from all these movies. A wrong choice of movies would onlylead to negative traits inculcated and wastage of Money !

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Valentine's day Memoirs 1970's : Unexpressed, Yet Sincere

As usual I rushed to Borivali bus-stop, took a share auto and reached Borivali station at 7:55am. I waited there to board 8:03 am ChurchGate slow. The second class compartment was fairly crowed that day. As usual, I took out my DNA Money and started going through the latest news. Thats when I noticed a specially excited speaking tones of a few regulars who take the 8:03 slow. All of them board the same train regularly and are in their late 40's or early 50's.

Generally the start off with some political or economical news. Then they would end-up blaming up one of the ministers or political parties. Similarly on other days, they would start off with the new Honda Activa one of them bought and slowly discuss the fuel efficiency of vehicles, cost , tax and so on.

But this day they seemed pretty excited. Their speaking tones were a little energy-filled & a bit thrilled. The discussion started with the Red-Tinted shirts two of them had worn of that day. Then they started teasing those two gentlemen about the "Red-Means-I am-Available" sign in their dressing. "Gosh!!". Only then it occured to me that It was the Valentine's day. I listened to them more carefully. "My Bank Colleagues have decided to come in Red or Pink shirts to office today to celebrate V-day" One of them said. Immediately shot back the other man seemingly in his 50's : "Its not that bank colleagues have asked. But one particular colleague of him should have asked...who's she Kumar sahab ??". And all other burst into laughter.

Then they went back to 1970's, 1977's, 1981's when each of them were at their prime youths. Mr. Kumar (all names changed) spoke about how he used to follow a particular lady daily on his 8.15 am bus from Vile Parle to Mahim. He used to daily wait for that bus to see this particular lady. "I liked her very much" recalled Mr.Kumar. After a minute of silence & with a
relatively sincere agony expression on his face, he continued, "But from one day in september 1977 I never saw her. I tried many buses of different timing the next few days, But never saw her later.." All of them were silent for a minute.

"Tab to e-mail hee nahin hota !! " Exclaimed Mr. Verma. He recalled how he used to write a letter daily to his would-be wife after they got engaged. He recalled that one post-card costing 15 paise daily was his investment on love. "Aaj ke bache-bachi tho SMS aur e-mail karte hain. Ik hi minute main pahunch jaate hain. when i wrote post-cards, it took 4 days to reach my native place in Karnataka."

I was wondering how sincere and committed they were in their relationship. I could see honesty all over in their love-affairs. They never had or have the luxury of Candle lit dinner or diamond rings to express their loves. For them silence was key mode of expression. And love was sincere - though short. In those days (including my dad), they had to struggle hard to get a permanent job in a bank or a govt office. And half of their salary they had to send back home to support their families. Yet they were young and they too had feelings. But stomach & hunger ruled
their living. And they were immensively god and dad fearing. Today, youngsters including me, fall back upon their earnings to buy diamond rings to our valentines and celebrate the V-day on Feb-14. And our fathers, with a melancholic or pensive mood, enjoy their bit of nostalgic past in 8:15 churchgate slow wearing a Red-shaded shirt.

Good de. enjoy !!

Monday, January 23, 2006

eMBArkment of an MBA : Placement Blues.

Mr. Anand Nair, A Typical final year student of a Typical A rated B-school in the country. Like Every MBA entrant does in first year, Anand too was confused in the first year in regards to what specialization to go for and what electives to take.
He was damn sure about only one thing - Never return to IT industry - for anand has worked in a top-notch IT Firm for a good 3.5 years. And his MBA plan was all about decoding from his Coding life. And to try his "hands" on another field.
While he could use only his "fingers" while with the IT firm - for Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V (copy & paste), He now wanted to upgrade himself from "fingering" to "hands on".

While freshers admired him for his "rich" work-ex, professors liked his analysis. In short, a "heavy-weight" in campus. As written in One of my earlier blogs, Throughout the first year, Anand fickled between choosing Marketing, Finance, Operations & HR for his specialization.
Finally after a lot of contemplation, he zeroed in on taking FINANCE in the second year.
Thanks to IIMs making news all over - He decided to target the "Investment Banking"(IB) sector for his future career after MBA. He thought only IB could do justice to his "most-sought-after" CV in the campus. While he hated IT, he rebuked selling. When he described marketing as mere "common sense", he described Operations as monotonous. while HR was what everyone did on a day-to-day basis, Investment Banking, according to him, was challenging, happening and what not ?

From then, he walked like Lehman, Talked like Goldman, ate Barclays, wore SBI Caps and talked Duetsche. 3 mnths passed by and he got himself used to the Fundamentals of IB. Thus, A person "per-se" well qualified for becoming a CIO (information) now poised himself for becoming a CIO(Investments).

Placement week came. CGPA 3.12. 41.2 months work-ex in IT firm. Summers in International Trade. Good CV. Good Photo.

Now our man applied to all the IB firms mentioned above. While Goldman looked for a "golden" (read relevant) work-ex, Lehman looked for a "layman" (read fresher). While Barclays wanted a CA , Duetsche a wanted a good CA with GP in it. (read CGPA). Just 4 copies of his "sought-after" resume went to Bins (dust-bin) at 4 different geographical regions.

That left him with only SBI Caps. He applied. His CV was shortlisted. He went for PPT. They discussed the salary figure. His face turned red..."whhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaat ???. Just 'X.5' lakhs ????. ITC, for a fresher, gave Y.34 Lakhs. then why me getting just X.5 ????. Only a 10+ figure could ever do justice to me."
Then and there, on the spot, he decided to step-back. The result of it --> 3 or 4 of his friends
got through in SBI Caps. And Investment Banking placements closed. Day 0 Placements over.

Day 1 starts the next day with a few consulting companies and Banks. That night, he changed his startegy too. He, in less than 10 minutes, scrapped all his IB plans and re-invigorated the "consultant" in him. And he borrowed and read about "All about consulting in 6 hours" for next 4 hrs.

BCG shortlisted him the next say and he sat in the cabin for interview.

BCG : Why Consulting ?
Anand : IT experience. IB knowledge. IM (International-Marketing) electives. IT (International-Trade) Summer project. So i am comfortable with all functions. hence consulting.

BCG : which area you want to be in consulting ?

(saying thanks to the library book, anand continues)
Anand : M&A, "Entry" Strategy (??), Strategic based Risk Management, Due-diligence studies.

BCG : Why BCG ?
Anand : BCG is the biggest conultancy in the area of Market Based strategies. It is the dream of every MBA all over the world. They have branches in 17 locations. Yesterday they acquired Artesz-Deita Consulting. This would make them biggest in CRM consulting.

(Interviewers were surprised - this guy knows more than we do about ourselves..)
BCG : Wow ! great anand.
BCG : How do you know so much about BCG ?

Anand : last 2 years I slogged only for getting into BCG. Its my fist love. Its my passion. Its my..my...everything.
BCG : (impressed) Lets move to questions.

BCG : Why did you think Jet acquired Sahara ?
Anand : To expand air-network...and use the brand sahara ?

BCG : To expand market share ?? to use "sahara"...are you sure ???
Anand : (ASSertive face) err..i mean...to add value....to unlock potential..to widen customer base..

BCG : What value ??
Anand: (avoiding face) err...(coughs)..i mean...to create synergy..

BCG : What synergy ?
Anand : err...umm...to move from 1st quandrat to 4th in BCG Matrix

BCG : What quAdrant ?
Anand : (thinks)...yeah...cow to dog..and from to rabbit to..err..the moon.

BCG : The Stars or the moon ?
Anand : Moon. Its Moon.

BCG : All the best Anand. Take Care. Next Candidate pleaaaase !!!
Anand : Thanks.

Now DTT came. They were looking at Tech Consultants. They liked his Resume and he liked their profile. After all "consultant" you see.

DTT : Tell me anand. What projects you did while at RCS ?
Anand : Database migration. From DB2 to Oracle.

DTT : whats the latest version of oracle ?
Anand : 7i is the latest version.

DTT : Now its 12i. In between there were 8i, 9i and 11i.
Anand : But while at RCS, imean, as on 1/1/04, it was 7i.

DTT : What is E-R diagram ?
Anand : Entity..err..err..entity...R..R....ruling diagram.

DTT : Ruling or Relationship ?
Anand : Am sorry..its relationship...correct..correct !

DTT : What is EI ?
Anand : I knew..I forgot..1 minute...Enterprise Interface ?

DTT : No ! Its enterprise Integration
Anand : Yeah..I knew it as on 1/1/04. Now after 2 years, lost touch.

DTT : Whats DTT ?
Anand : DDT is a ferlilizer cum pesticide.

DTT : What is DTT..not DDT.
Anand : Deloitte...TT..err..err.. I knew it when i was with RCS. but from 1/1/04, lost touch.

DTT : Whats the date today ?
Anand : 1/1/06

DTT : As on 1/1/04, i would have hired you. sorry anand. 1/1/06 is different.good bye.

Day 1 over. Consulting done. Now Day 2 sales & marketing Cos.

While he stepped into the shoes of a "children mind specialist" for perfetti interview, He capitalised on his dad's surgeon(MBBS, MD) degree for Novartis and GSK. While he explained the "Positioning" of stayfree to HLL in an interview, he answered the "BRAnding strategy" behind Kingfisher swim-suit calendars. While he explained the "ZERO" frill structure of Indian Airlines hostesses, he eagerly explained about the "value-added" "FULL" concept of Jet beauties. Sadly, all of them found anand too good for them to hire. Result --> Day 3 placements also closed.

Finally, in Day-4, he got a JOB in sales - to sell insurance products to people. While he was hoping to "travel" all over the state and sell insurance to "corporate HRs", he was finally assigned to sell "pension ++ stree saukyam" to ladies in the age group 50-55. From IT to IB to Insurance. At a package of X.5 - 0.35 = X.15
A journey of an MBA & Good day to you. Its just a hypothetical-next-to-door Student that i depicetd here. Let me get placed next year same time (1/1/07) to see there is any correlation