Post Quota Regime - India in 2017 - A Creative Insight !
How would india be in 2017 ? Tha is in the Post-Quota Regime ? Lets have a Look.
But, Before that a disclaimer : Its purely imagination & there is absolutley no intention to hurt the feelings of anyone. This blogspace is just for entertainment & not for serious feelings!
Interviewer : So Neeta tell me who’s the new education minister in Kerala ?
Neeta : Dhae…Dhaeee…Dhaeeee…B..DhaeeBee (she says Devi)
Interviewer : Neeta, who won the world cup cricket in 2002 ?
Neeta : Auj..aauj..traa…Lee…aaa Auj-trea-lia (sounding Australia)
Interviewer : Neeta, what is Sodium Chloride ?
Neeta : Chaa..chaa..chaaltu..chaaltu (sounding Salt)
Interviewer: Ok. Neeta can proceed to appear for a psychometric test in Room # 21 and after that attend a stress Interview with Prof Bhushan Yang at 10.00 am in Rool # 23.
Who is Neeta ? Yes, You wrongly guessed it !!
Neeta is a 2 year old kid (from General Category) who is seeking admission in Lower KG for the academic year 2018-19. And interviewer is a principal of a Reputed school. All Neeta has to do to get a seat is to be updated on all possible GK in the world, be updated on who's who of the world and the latest status of Arcelor-Mittal race. And it all that ends well, pay 3 lakhs Rupees donation too.
So simple for a 2 yr old, isn't it ? And in 2034, she might even take an entrance test. Who knows ?
CAT admissions for IIMs A,B,C A-1,A-2,B-2,C-2,L,I,K,…P,Q,R,S,T,W,Z
(Just 55 more new IIMs to be expected by then - One in every India city)
Professor : Arun whats ur CAT percentile ?
Arun (General Category) : 99.999999999999999
Professor : How many nines after ninety-nine in your percentile ?
Arun : 15 sir !!
Professor : 15 ? Good. Ok. You are waiting list # 23. All the best !!
Professor : Pallavi, whats your CAT percentile ?
Pallavi : 99.999999999999998
Professor : How many nines after 99 ?
Pallavi : 14 nines and one eight sir.
Professor : Hmm..difficult..waiting list # 2056. good luck. prepare better next year. We want only top performing students in our institutes..
Now cracking CAT is not the objective for students of 2017. They need to focus on getting maximum number of Nines after 99 in their percentile. If you score 98 or 97, you can forget MBA. Or instead apply for a licence for starting a new IIM in mount road Chennai or MG Road Trissur and become its director. That may be easier.
Mckinsey doing Campus Interview in one of the 55 IIMs
Mckinsey : So Kumar, tell me whats 7*3, I repeat, Seven multiplied by three.
Kumar : 7*3 ? I mean..err..eerr…mm…mmm…is it 19 ?
Mckinsey (among themselves whispers) : I thinks its quota person
Mckinsey : Next person please !!
Mckinsey : Yes, Vivek, whats your full name ?
Vivek : Vivek Iyer
Mckinsey : Iyer ??? SELECTED !! Obvious because Vivek would have had atleast 23 nines after 99 in his CAT percentile.
It takes hardly 20 seconds for an intelligent recruiter to select candidates. So imagine how much they can save in terms of Time.
A new proposal by the then HRD Minister, Yudhistir Singh
“We, here by propose to introduce a new reservation Bill in the parliament for seeking 7.23 % reservation in every educational institution in India for General Candidates. General candidates, as per the recent statistics are deprived of higher education these days General Category constitute of 43.44 % of youth and it is really important that for India to be a super power, It should be more socially responsible and pay more attention to the upliftment of these deprived categories. “
And the then Finance minister Q.D says : “Reservation based on caste creates imbalance and causes income inequality. And all reservations should be based on Social & Economical parameters. "
Ps- And in 2017, General Category would be the deprived minority..right ?
A film shooting set in 2017 for the remake of Yes-Boss part-2
Director to the then Super star : Please do it again
Super star fails to act properly...
Director : RE TAKEEE....
Superstar again fails to act properly
Director : REETAAAKE....
superstar again fails to act properly
Why is our hero not performing well ? what could be the Reason ? Govt Introduced quota Bill in Film Indsutry also. While making a film, Every General Category Film Director has to Reserve the hero's role for reservation category people and Vice-versa.
Similarly in music - The music director or the lead singer has to be from the reservation category.
The new clause 49 of SEBI in 2017 reads:
Independent Directors should constitute 75% of the Board of Directors. And 66.67 % of Independent directors should be from reserved category.
If Chairman is a general category, then atleast 80% of directors should be from reservation category.
If chairman is from reservation category, a maximum of 30% of directors could be from general category.
A few more ideas from this humble MBA to the current ministers :
1) Introduce Quota in Railway resevation for reserved category. (For e.g. 80% second class sleeper berths reserved for them, 10 % for ministers, 5% for railway employees, 3% emergency quota and remaining 2% for first come first serve)
2) Introduce Quota in Public Toilets (either put a cap on the number of usages by a general category - like 2 times a day maximum usuage for general category or allow them to use only a selected few toilets in the outer city limits)
3) Introduce Quota in giving phone connection, driving licence and ration cards (For e.g General category can only have one of these - either an MTNL phone or a driving licence or a ration card)
4) Introduce Quota in Film industry for Actors, Actresses, Musicians
5) Introduce Quota in City roads. Define which all roads for which all category
6) Reseve 66.67% of bedrooms in every new flat/apartment for reserved category families. If its a 1 BHK, then the family buying the flat has an option of either leaving the kitchen or the bathroom for reserved category.
Now the Mega one :
7) Introduce Quota in Reproductive rights. Every 1 birth allowed for general category parents for every five births in reservation category. If both parents are from general category, a maximum of one baby is allowed or a maximum of 7 unprotected sexual encounters for the couple allowed, which ever lapses earlier.
silver lining : If you wanna have more babies, atleast one parent has to be from reservation category !!
The new president of BCCI at 2017 too introduced a new Bill
"For Indian Cricket Team playing outside india, atleast 9 of the 14 players have to be from reserved category. If Tendulkar or Dhoni is included, all other players have to be from reserved category. "
"While Playing in India, If they plan in Non-metroes, all players have to be from reserved category..If they play in metroes, the Umpires too have to be from the reserved category"
Now my creative juices have exhausted. So, whats your take ? Good day ! Please share your comments.