Ganesha Flies 'No-Frills' : SimplyFly !

After those hectic days in South India, Ganesha’s North India Visit was due. He was looking for a Bombay ticket when he saw this particular ad “Fly to Bombay in Re.1. ”. He called up the office only to find that Re.1 Ticket is available only from October 2nd, 2007. He checked out for Rs. 500, 700, 1100, 1500 tickets. All of them sold out. Finally he settled for Rs. 1881 + 221 (Tax) ticket to Bombay.

With a lot of satisfaction, a huge smile and with food packs weighing tonnes, Ganesha reached the check-in Counter of Air-Feccan at Bangalore Airport. A cool Babe was sitting there.

Ganesha : ( lifting this trunk) Hi babe !
Babe : (smiles) Can I see your ticket sir ?
Ganehsa : Ya please. (shows the ticket)
Babe : Please proceed to Terminal 4C sir.
(she writes the seat number on a plain paper piece and seals on it)

Ganesha : whats that for ?
Babe : Cost cutting sir. Its our Boarding pass. No frills you see :-)

Ganesha waited at 4C. An announcement was made asking people to board the air-plane. Ganesha got up slowly, took his luggage and looked out for Co-passengers. Alas ! Then he saw a mad-rush of passengers fleeing towards the Tarmac. With all those Luggage and hand-baggage, they resembled Tipu Sultan’s mighty Army. Ladies adjusted their sari-pleats and pinned up the sari-tails to their hips. Gents folded up their dhotis. CEOs, while running, admonished the locals in ‘presentable’ English. Locals reviled them in their own “presentable” native versions. Grand-Fathers accelerated their wheel chairs and caught up with the rest. Many of them were first-timers.

One by One, they started Boarding the jet. It was time for another round of fights – There were two passengers for seats 12A, 15C and 21D. There were 3 owners for two other seats. Captain Kopi (CEO) himself came in and sorted out a few issues. Ganesha Inspected his own seat #. It was S22. He walked up and down the air-craft twice and still could not locate his seat. So He went to Captain kopi and asked why his seat # looked like S-22 while others had 12-D, 15-C etc.

Kopi : Yes Mr. Ganesh. How can we help you ?
Ganesh : My seat…err…seat no is S-22. But others have digits first and alphabets later.
Kopi : (Inspects the ticket)…oh.…are you flying with us for the first time ?
Ganesh : (Lifts his trunk smiling) ..ya..
Kopi : Well.. err.. you see…Mr. Ganesh,..as you know,.. we…are..a..no frills air-line..and so the ticket you have is….hope you don’t mind....

Ganesh : (surprised)..what happened to my ticket ?
Kopi : Nothing wrong ! Its S-22. It means you are standing passenger No-22. This is the place where you need to stand. Your Hip will be belted to the near by support bar. You’ll be safe.

Ganesha : (angry ) WHAAT ???????????

Before he could complete, An Air hostess came. She made Ganesha stand at the right place, Clamped his hip and his legs to a support Bar.


Soon S-21, S-23 passengers come and they too stood clamped happily which made Ganesha feel more comfortable. Some of the other passengers were busy Cleaning the seats with their hankies, while some of them were trying to open the window pane. A south Indian family, happily took it for a train and opened their Idli sambar packs.

Till the Flight took off, In a typical Government Bus service style, a Boy at the door was shouting “Mumbai Non-stop….Mumbai Non-stop”…. And after sometime, he closed the doors and whistled twice – Indicating the Pilot to start take off. With a few jitters, the plane took off.

By the Time, Ganesha Had a chance to look into the interior of the aircraft. It looked similar to one of the Air-France or Boeing ones used in 1970’s. It looked pretty old and the engine was making a lot of noise too. He asked the Air-hostess. She cheerfully repeated the words “No frills” and “Cost Cutting”.

Then they had the safety demonstration on the TV, all recorded ones, while Taxying. Ganesha was surprised, he called one of the only 2 air-hostesses around .

Ganesha : Look lady. Why this demo in TV ?
A.H : (looks sorry) Sir. No crew Available.
Ganesha : (laughs) Cost-cutting ? or is it No-frills ?
A.H : No sir. Kingfisher recruited most of our pilots and Cabin-crew.
Ganesha : (surprised ) why should that Daaru waala recruit them ?
A.H : Sir – Now they are into big time Airlines.
A.H. : The Manikchand Group is also starting one airlines.
Ganesha : (very-surpirsed) That Beeda waala ?

A.H : yes. Not just them, even Biggies Like Vipro, Tee-Cee-yes , Indian Railways , Bideocon, Vonida, and Shipping Corporation are planning to start no-frills Airlines very soon.

Ganesha : (surprised) So this should be a booming sector. So then, How are A-I and IA doing ?
A.H : (again sad) They are in Loss sir.

Ganesha : (smiles) so the Daaru waalas and beeda waalas run things better than Govt. By the way What are you doing for your share of pilots and staff ?

A.H : (smiles) We recruit people immediately after they get their 3 months training with Jet Or Sahara. That’s the way it goes.

Ganesha : So what do they do ?
A.H : They recruit people from Foreign Airlines J

After 20 minutes into flight, he saw a boy shouting “Garma Garam” “Wada pav” “Samosee” “Paanch Rupaaya ik piece”…”wadaa paav” “garmaaa garam”. No frills, Cost Cutting, Ganesha guessed it himself this time.

After having a double wada-pav, Ganesha asked the Crew member for a Hand Napkin. She said “3 rupees per napkin + 10% service tax + 0.2% educational cess.” He also had to pay another Rs.20 to use the wash room too.

Ganesha and Other passengers, by the time, started feeling the change in Cabin Temperature and pressure which were not regulated properly. But then the captain’s routine announcement happened “ Capt.. so’n’ so speaking….outside temperature is -11, inside temp is +24. Outside pressure is…inside is…you are at a height of….”

“ But,,,But…we are shivering here and these buggers say + 24” all of the passengers murmered.

They immediately complained this to a crew-member who with a cinema-scope smile and a madrasi accent said “ Shir (sir)….eee…that was a Recorded massage…No frills…sir…eeee…cost cutting..hope u understand…”

After nearly 1.5 hours into flight, captain announced again. (This time not recorded) “We are trying our very best to land safely at Bombay air-port. Thank you for flying Air-Feccan”

Ganesha Fainted.

Hope you liked this. But frankly speaking, its because of them that we are all able to fly these days. They are doing a good job too in security and Other thing. My Blog is just another free flow of imagination. :-) Thanks a lot to No-Frills and Cost-Cutting. Good wishes to SpiceJet, KingFisher and AIR-Deccan. Good day to you too. Please write your experiences.

Arun.